Viti Mittal
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Diary of a Goddess

July 21st

It’s about that time, when the city is relieved from the harsh summer. The rain makes the street chaotic, giving me a chance to remain indoors and experience all the wonderful things water does to the earth. Every droplet pleasures the earth in return for all her sacrifices as raindrops flow around the curves of vines to be one with the soil. The flowers change their hue and the water cleans away the dirt of their stigmas, I’m glad I stayed indoors; apparently the rain came so hard that the streets outside sank. The internet was acting up because of the storm, so the only email I got today was my admittance into the Aray.1 program. And you know what the fuck that means- it was time for R and I to have a chat. 

After 4 years of living together I have gotten sick of his predictability and the monotony of our shared lives. I know he’s going to propose, his sudden interest in my jewelry is fooling no one. He’s been a great support through my undergraduate degree, but he’s lost his drive after his father’s cancer bout. My life right now is such a terrible cliché; I can predict the conversation that we will have. Like always he’ll come home in a bad mood, drop his bag, slug over to the kitchen and begin complaining about his day. Twenty minutes into the rant he will notice the sheerness of my clothes and say something like “I’ll miss seeing you like this.” I know what makes him tick, so what he really means to say is that a good Indian girl cannot dress this way back home. 

I wore this dress to pick a fight, because it is much easier get an honest answer out of him when he’s angry. R is a little insecure like that; he always wanted to be the perfect role model for his younger brother. I wouldn’t know what being a role model is like, the effects of being an only child I suppose.


July 22nd

I thought I knew him well, but man I was wrong. I knew where he came from, a small town in Uttar Pradesh, but I didn’t think his village boy mentality would be such a dominant part of his personality. That self-proclaimed prince of nowhere dropped lower than I could have ever imagined. 

I have been single handedly responsible for my own orgasm since he took a vow of celibacy 2 years ago. It had something to do with cleansing his soul. At first I was into it because he appeared alternative, but now I wont be surprised if he forms a cult with the friends he made during all those meetings. He was angered by my dress right away and wasn’t even trying to be subtle about it. R started of with “I hope you’re not going to wear that in public” and continued to say that I was “an extension of him, and should be aware of how I make him look”. He knows how to push my buttons as well, and it was working. 

It was like putting on glasses for the first time and realizing all the fuzzy green blobs on the trees are leaves. I thought we had grown apart and so he wanted to put a ring on it, but I failed to consider he hadn’t grown at all. I contemplated not telling him about the program at all because it didn’t even matter anymore. He didn’t even recognize me as an individual, just an extension, rather a manifestation of all his female fantasies. My heart was breaking at the thought of leaving home but it wasn’t even a choice anymore. His primitive thought would limit him from understanding Flux, and why I have to leave him in search of and to pursue my purpose. I pulled my hair into a bun, put my glasses down, looked him in the eye and asked him to leave. 


November 24th 

The weather report read the temperature at -3°C at 7:30 am, almost reminding me of home and a little of R. I had a meeting with the Dean, Dr. Das Sear to discuss the proposal for the Flux potion. I wore my warmest clothes, pinned my hair up and rushed over to his office.

Dr. Sear is somewhat of a celebrity, his experiments and commission have contributed to the betterment of the world. He is a 1000 years old and is proficient in 10 different fields. Aeronautical Engineering, Rocket Science and Quantum Mechanics to name a few, this man is the pinnacle of evolution. He’s pioneered a functional socialist environment in his Aray.1 program, which in my opinion is a step closer to world peace and equality. I have been following his career since I was 8 and meeting the doctor in person would be an honor. Botany is one of his interests too and the university has the most spectacular collections of plants and fruits known to man. The garden consists of flora from all over the universe - from algae living in deep ocean trenches, to single celled organism from outer space. Any resource the universe has to offer can be found in his garden. Rumor has it that Dr. Sear plants the first seed of every species that exist in the magical garden. This campus is the only place that can give me materials to create my potion and he is the only person that has access to it.

His office was an architectural marvel. There were mirrors and beams everywhere and the doctor was tending to his Rose plant when I walked in. It was the strangest coincidence, he’d fashioned his long straight hair into a topknot too. Pulled back, twisted and wrapped twice over, with nothing but a pin holding them together. His hair is the first thing I noticed about him because that is exactly I how I did mine. I guess great minds have similar habits. It was dusk before we realized how long we’d spoken for. The Dean made me comfortable with my individuality, something R never recognized. I was invited to join him along with 2 other students for supper to discuss the future of the Flux potion. The cold morning had a warm ending; the meal was a perfect harmony of freshly cooked ingredients, reflective of the chef’s understanding of his craft. Today marked the collaboration of 4 great minds focusing their efforts for the advancement of medicine. 


April 12th

A month away from graduation and we are so close to realizing our experiments. It is near ready to be tested on humans, and my teams wants to be the first ones to experience its effects. For the past few years, we have worked tirelessly in the lab to create an aphrodisiac potion that effects men and women alike. We engineered it in a manner that the person ingesting the potion is shielded from the after effects of sex. Like the layer of Ozone that shields mother Earth from the unknown forces of Space, Flux lasts for a period of 24 hours protecting the reproductive and pleasure centers of the human anatomy. One cannot get pregnant or contract a disease under the influence of this elixir. We hope it affects the lives of people that suffer from chronic illnesses like AIDS positively, so they can fully indulge in their sexual experience and can become one with their significant others. The world is over populated and employing sex to create children is an ancient school of thought. 

It had just stopped raining outside and the windows were still soaked from the outpour when Kaamo gasped in shock. Deepak and I rushed over as she is known to be clumsy, always hurting herself around the lab. She described the feeling of bubbles tickling her clitoris with increasing frequency. For a minute I thought she was just exhausted and delusional but then it struck me that she was inhaling fumes all day. The realization hit the three of us together and Deepak stole the words right out of my mouth when he suggested we experiment with Flux on ourselves. 

The experience of the drug was so surreal that something as gentle as the touching of hands threw us into a spiral of other worldly experiences. Kaamo leaned in to kiss me while Deepak was caressing her hair and all of a sudden the lab was filled with a balmy golden light. Just like that we were no longer in the lab.. I could hear the plants and trees as they expanded their roots and breathed into their branches. Our botany experiment works! Our minds were synced together to experience the effects of the potion. The walls of the lab disappeared and the three of us were free to roam in the fields that appeared out of thin air. I don’t even recall if there was any penetration, but our bodies were tethered to one another. Our tactile hallucinations were so real; it felt like we were experiencing so much more than just sex. There was a web of glowing strings that expanded and contracted, but never broke. We have created something more extraordinary than just another ‘love potion’; our efforts will alter the human experience. Flux is powerful.


May 16th 

The hot sun baked the right side of my face, waking me up! The Sun rose early today, the seasons must be changing. Summer in Lanka brings out colors in the flowers and the Mango fruits on the tree outside my window have begun to look golden. I bet by the end of today, there will be little children monkeying around it. It’s a beautiful morning, kind of appropriate for Graduation Day. It was hard getting through the Aray.1 program alone and that too so far away from home. I didn’t think I would adjust to this extent; I am more attuned with my purpose, sexuality and intellect. I have been feeling especially maternal towards my plants today. My Rose pot has two new buds sprouting which is unusual because spring has ended and it is much too hot for the new flowers to survive this heat. 

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